To My Stepson, You Are Irreplaceable

I love you most.

My Eldest step-son made the comment last week that with all the time we had missed in raising he and his brother (because they were with their natural Mother), that, that missed time would now be made up by our 18 month old and 6-month old son who we will raise full time. 

The comment broke my heart. There has not been a moment that we have been without them when there has not been a hole in my heart, a longing for all of my children, step or natural, to be with me. There has not been a day that has gone by where I have not wondered at how their day was going or prayed for their wellbeing. Time missed, and time taken, cannot – and will never, be replaced. 

From the moment I married my husband I loved my step-children like my own, …

The Realities of Postpartum Depression, It’s Bad, and You’re Not Alone

Let’s talk more about postpartum depression and weight gain, because not even having walked my way out of the long tunnel of the depression is everything back to normal. In my last post I wrote about my postpartum depression and compared it to being ran over by a bus and left for dead. Pretty bad. I spoke about my weight gain openly, with happiness, in light of the fact that I had, had to enter that dark tunnel of unexplainable postpartum depression – and completely blinded by the lack of light, I still made it to the other side – but speaking about my weight with happiness, does not mean I am happy about the weight or other lingering effects of the postpartum depression. Being happy that I conquered one of the hardest mental (physical) struggles I have ever been through, does not take away the pain of having missed …

How I’ve Begun Losing Postpartum Depression Weight Gain

My Postpartum Depression Weight Gain. Ugh. What a fun subject. 35 pounds on top of the 15 I had gained from pregnancy. That’s a lie, I started pregnancy with 15. Anyway. Ugh, what a subject when that is not where I want my body to be, for my own self – it’s not where I feel healthiest at, it’s not where I have energy at. 

So, update. It has been 27 days since I first posted about my weight gain that had come from postpartum depression, since that time I have lost ten pounds, to the ounce. Yay! Although the road still seems long, and the weight gain still seems unnecessary (unfair if I’m being accurate in my pity party for one), I’ve started out on a good path that I’m pleased about. I’m pleased it is working, because it is a life path – not a plan someone has …

Grieving While Finding the Joy in Life

This post is twofold, both thoughts on grief and on joy, neither is meant to take from the importance of the other.

I posted a few days back in a moment of grief I was feeling for my brother who has passed. April is his birthday month, April 30th his birthday. I was dreading the whole month and the reminder that he was gone. The pain had gotten to me, again, so that evening I had taken to Facebook to write out my feelings. Yesterday was April 1stand I took my four children that were at home and we went to his grave. I introduced him to my two youngest, Isaiah 18 months and, Micah 6 months (I know – my husband and I are crazy, pop one out and do it again), and sat next to the grave thinking, crying, talking, and then just feeling as …

Stepparents, It’s Your Job To Love Your Stepchildren As Your Own

When I first married my husband I was asked two things all the time. The first was simply, “Was it hard going from full time mom of 2 children to 4?” And the answer was, “No, it wasn’t.” When my husband and I were married back in 2008 we had two one-year-olds, a three-year-old, and a four-year-old. Everyone had a buddy, everyone was walking and somewhat talking, and my main duty was to make sure they stayed alive; a job made much easier by the fact that they just wanted to be playing with each other 24/7 so I had the opportunity to turn my back and stick some Ramen in the microwave or hide the flame throwers from out of reach. No, we don’t really keep flame throwers. I was hiding the grenades. 

The second question was much more personal, but just as frequent. I was asked, “Is it …

Mothers Whom Hold Custody, We Owe Our Children More

This post is not meant for the Mothers who have left marriages where abuse was present, or the safety of the children was in question. It is not for the woman that has divorced a narcissist or psychopath and who must follow exact regulations for her own and her children’s security. That, I hope, is a given.

I’m going to say it clearly and I hope you will trust me: Courts can get their decision about what’s best for your children wrong, and in fact – normally do. You need to help make it right. The only way you can do that is by taking yourself and your feelings about your former spouse, or even your former spouse’s new partner, out of the equation. 

 

 

Ouch.

Truth bomb: Just because you were horribly hurt, doesn’t mean you deserve to solely raise your children. The same applies just because you are a …

For Your Own Happiness, Don’t Gossip About Your Ex, No Matter How Badly You’ve Been Hurt

Early on in the process of being cheated on by my former spouse, I learned I needed to not to be angry, but I had not applied that lesson to all the little details that came from the fall out of the action of cheating; namely our divorce. For whatever reason I have to learn lessons over, and over, and over again. It is as if each new situation can’t be applicable to a lesson learned and applied in a previous situation, my brain doesn’t register: New situation, old lesson. Instead it’s programed: New situation, new lesson. Such was the case with my being angry at my former spouse. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, and there were things we could have done better, I could have done better, but the decision to cheat was too much strain on both of us and we decided to go our separate ways. With divorce …

You Were Cheated On, For Your Own Healing, Be Hurt Not Angry

The decision was made to cheat on you. That decision hurts – as if that word even describes the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. You are feeling deeper pain than I can put words to, deeper anger. That pain you are feeling will have to be worked through (but just like anything you put effort into, you will see results for the better on the other side). That anger however, I’m going to tell you something important: it isn’t necessary, and it isn’t worth it. A little secret? You have the power to…let it go. You’ve felt it, it’s natural, heavens knows you have the right to be angry, but you don’t have to be. You can take complete control of how this situation will effect your future, by letting that anger go. Sometimes in our anger and our frustration we can say or do things we wouldn’t normally say or …

Met and Married in 3 Weeks, Choosing to Become One

I fell in love with my husband after we were married, which marriage took place 3 weeks after we met for the first time. To marry him was a choice I made once, to stay married to him was a choice I had to make over and over again, but one that strengthened my marriage each time it was made and helped me to fall just a little bit more in love with the man I am currently head over heals for – now nearly eleven years later.

How in the world did I meet AND marry a man in three weeks? Faith. A whole lot of faith. I’m not sure I can describe it better than that – my words don’t do the experience justice, but I will try:

I thought my husband was a serious man when I met him. One of my top priorities if I were …