To My Stepson, You Are Irreplaceable

I love you most.

My Eldest step-son made the comment last week that with all the time we had missed in raising he and his brother (because they were with their natural Mother), that, that missed time would now be made up by our 18 month old and 6-month old son who we will raise full time. 

The comment broke my heart. There has not been a moment that we have been without them when there has not been a hole in my heart, a longing for all of my children, step or natural, to be with me. There has not been a day that has gone by where I have not wondered at how their day was going or prayed for their wellbeing. Time missed, and time taken, cannot – and will never, be replaced. 

From the moment I married my husband I loved my step-children like my own, …

Stepparents, It’s Your Job To Love Your Stepchildren As Your Own

When I first married my husband I was asked two things all the time. The first was simply, “Was it hard going from full time mom of 2 children to 4?” And the answer was, “No, it wasn’t.” When my husband and I were married back in 2008 we had two one-year-olds, a three-year-old, and a four-year-old. Everyone had a buddy, everyone was walking and somewhat talking, and my main duty was to make sure they stayed alive; a job made much easier by the fact that they just wanted to be playing with each other 24/7 so I had the opportunity to turn my back and stick some Ramen in the microwave or hide the flame throwers from out of reach. No, we don’t really keep flame throwers. I was hiding the grenades. 

The second question was much more personal, but just as frequent. I was asked, “Is it …

Mothers Whom Hold Custody, We Owe Our Children More

This post is not meant for the Mothers who have left marriages where abuse was present, or the safety of the children was in question. It is not for the woman that has divorced a narcissist or psychopath and who must follow exact regulations for her own and her children’s security. That, I hope, is a given.

I’m going to say it clearly and I hope you will trust me: Courts can get their decision about what’s best for your children wrong, and in fact – normally do. You need to help make it right. The only way you can do that is by taking yourself and your feelings about your former spouse, or even your former spouse’s new partner, out of the equation. 

 

 

Ouch.

Truth bomb: Just because you were horribly hurt, doesn’t mean you deserve to solely raise your children. The same applies just because you are a …

For Your Own Happiness, Don’t Gossip About Your Ex, No Matter How Badly You’ve Been Hurt

Early on in the process of being cheated on by my former spouse, I learned I needed to not to be angry, but I had not applied that lesson to all the little details that came from the fall out of the action of cheating; namely our divorce. For whatever reason I have to learn lessons over, and over, and over again. It is as if each new situation can’t be applicable to a lesson learned and applied in a previous situation, my brain doesn’t register: New situation, old lesson. Instead it’s programed: New situation, new lesson. Such was the case with my being angry at my former spouse. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, and there were things we could have done better, I could have done better, but the decision to cheat was too much strain on both of us and we decided to go our separate ways. With divorce …

You Were Cheated On, For Your Own Healing, Be Hurt Not Angry

The decision was made to cheat on you. That decision hurts – as if that word even describes the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. You are feeling deeper pain than I can put words to, deeper anger. That pain you are feeling will have to be worked through (but just like anything you put effort into, you will see results for the better on the other side). That anger however, I’m going to tell you something important: it isn’t necessary, and it isn’t worth it. A little secret? You have the power to…let it go. You’ve felt it, it’s natural, heavens knows you have the right to be angry, but you don’t have to be. You can take complete control of how this situation will effect your future, by letting that anger go. Sometimes in our anger and our frustration we can say or do things we wouldn’t normally say or …

Met and Married in 3 Weeks, Choosing to Become One

I fell in love with my husband after we were married, which marriage took place 3 weeks after we met for the first time. To marry him was a choice I made once, to stay married to him was a choice I had to make over and over again, but one that strengthened my marriage each time it was made and helped me to fall just a little bit more in love with the man I am currently head over heals for – now nearly eleven years later.

How in the world did I meet AND marry a man in three weeks? Faith. A whole lot of faith. I’m not sure I can describe it better than that – my words don’t do the experience justice, but I will try:

I thought my husband was a serious man when I met him. One of my top priorities if I were …

You are Loved Despite a Cheating Partner

You, are loved.

You are lovable just as you are. 

You did not deserve to be cheated on.

There are so many emotions a person goes through who has been cheated on, I can’t pin point and address all of them. But there is one message that I can share with you that can reach and calm each of them. I felt and experienced it through my own divorce.

You are loved exactly as you are. You’ve made mistakes? You’ve even sinned? We all have  – set them aside and know that you are loved. This is important. It takes work on your end. You have to be willing put aside doubts and know that you are overwhelming, unconditionally, loved. You have to be willing to know that despite any choice you made, way you look, etc. you couldn’t have changed another person’s decision to cheat on you. Their choice …

How to Keep Living When Your Partner is Unfaithful

The pain of infidelity is one of the greatest I have ever known. But through that pain I have gained strength which has allowed me to feel happiness that I had never felt before. It was a choice I had to make, but it was a choice that the very act of brought peace and healing. A choice with only benefits. An excerpt from my experience as I recorded it at the time:

Me: “Have you cheated on me?”

Him: ”Yes.” 

And then the feeling of gut wrenching, puking, pain, over took me. I feeling I will never have words for. Deep pain so thorough that it felt like it effected every cell in my body. It caused me to literally, physically, curl in a ball and clutch at my stomach, as if by clutching I could rip out the uncontrollable pain.  

“When?” I whispered. 

“Two weeks ago, at

Healing After Divorce

4 Steps Toward Healing After Divorce:

After my divorce, I wanted something different for my children than what I had witnessed in other divorcees around me. I didn’t want them to feel any bitterness or anger between me and their father. I felt that would put a burden on them that they wouldn’t have had we not divorced, and I wanted them to live as whole a life as possible. The choices that I made at that time for my children brought about a rapid healing for me, which was an outcome I hadn’t planned on nor been looking for. I wanted to keep the peace that I had felt in making the decision to divorce, and that had helped me stand by that decision, after the papers had been signed – for the sake of my children. I found my answer in how to do so in how I …

To Divorce or Not to Divorce

do-i-get-a-divorce-or-not

When Is Divorce an Option?

 

To divorce or not to divorce, I have been asked that many times since my own divorce. It’s been 8 years since my divorce, I was married just 4 years to my first husband. Since that time the question I have been asked a number of times is: how did you know it was the right decision to divorce? Often by young broken hearted ladies receiving very conflicting advice on whether divorce was right for them or not. I am LDS, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and when we marry we do so in what’s called the “temple”, where we covenant to be sealed not only for this life but for the eternities. That’s not only a big deal, it’s the very foundation of families – what we’re taught this life is about. Divorce is a big …