Divorce, Divorce and Family Blending, Uncategorized

You are Loved Despite a Cheating Partner

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You, are loved.

You are lovable just as you are. 

You did not deserve to be cheated on.

There are so many emotions a person goes through who has been cheated on, I can’t pin point and address all of them. But there is one message that I can share with you that can reach and calm each of them. I felt and experienced it through my own divorce.

You are loved exactly as you are. You’ve made mistakes? You’ve even sinned? We all have  – set them aside and know that you are loved. This is important. It takes work on your end. You have to be willing put aside doubts and know that you are overwhelming, unconditionally, loved. You have to be willing to know that despite any choice you made, way you look, etc. you couldn’t have changed another person’s decision to cheat on you. Their choice was not your responsibility. You have to believe that, or at least want to. 

There was a night after my divorce when papers were signed by my husband and I, before the court had signed off, when I starred into a completely unknown future having no idea what was on the other side of this tunnel we had entered into and I was scared to death. I was broken hearted for my children who had gone from a whole family and an unbroken home, something every child has a God given right to, to suddenly being thrust into this whirlwind life of a broken home and children of divorce. I lied that night in-between a bed frame that had yet been put together, leaving me on the floor in the square it would eventually fold out to be. I sobbed. I had a pillow under my head and a pitiful blanket clutched up to my chin for comfort. And I sobbed and I sobbed. I felt every emotion there is to be felt when your world suddenly and unexpectedly shifts directions, specifically when you’ve been cheated on. I asked all the questions I didn’t need to ask, but did because it’s natural. Was I not thin enough, where had I gone wrong, am I ugly, ect. ect. what had I done to contribute to this mess I found myself in? Where I believe I could have done better in my marriage, I take no responsibility for the choice of cheating. I couldn’t have stopped that decision. You, couldn’t have stopped that decision. You are enough for someone, for that someone, for anyone, to stay faithful to – they at the very least, made a commitment to stay faithful to you. Someone cheated because of their own weaknesses and failures, not yours. Where you find yourself in a whirlwind spinning out of control, and part of that whirlwind that keeps flying by is the thought that you know you could have done better in this area or that – listen to me now: who cares?! Those things you could have done better have nothing to do with this decision, separate the two. You were enough, you are enough.

As a lay on the floor that evening in my sobs amidst my simple prayers of “why” I felt an overwhelming calmness and love envelope me, completely, and I felt loved. Completely. Just as I was. Mistakes and all. In that moment of complete calm, I saw myself a few months back crying in the hallway of my marital home over something I wish I were doing better in my marriage and in that moment lying between an unconstructed bed frame, I felt I had been loved even then – in my lowest of my lows. Suddenly my current and previous lows didn’t seem so bad, and I remember in that moment nothing seemed like it could reach the grandeur of that love I felt embracing me – my past and present mistakes seemed silly in comparison to the largeness, the wholeness, of who I was within my God’s eyes, and I knew – that I was enough. My hair couldn’t have been cuter to stop this. My body couldn’t have been shapelier to stop this. My attitude couldn’t have been sexier to stop this. I was worthy of being loved just as I was. Someone else had made a horrible mistake, and that was on their shoulders. I needed to let the burden of “why” go. Let it go, and let myself be loved, and see myself as God sees me. That is what I learned that evening wrapped in a blanket in the dead of night lying in between the frame of an un put up bed. I am loved.

And so are you. Don’t question it, you beautiful soul. So are you. 

Go and let yourself be loved by the only two people who matter today; the God who created you, and through Him – yourself. As you do, you will begin to stand a little taller, to walk a little straighter – and eventually you will look within yourself and the love that you will find there will have replaced that great pain that is plaguing you now. I promise you, you precious soul, I promise.

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