Divorce, Divorce and Family Blending, Uncategorized

You Were Cheated On, For Your Own Healing, Be Hurt Not Angry

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The decision was made to cheat on you. That decision hurts – as if that word even describes the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. You are feeling deeper pain than I can put words to, deeper anger. That pain you are feeling will have to be worked through (but just like anything you put effort into, you will see results for the better on the other side). That anger however, I’m going to tell you something important: it isn’t necessary, and it isn’t worth it. A little secret? You have the power to…let it go. You’ve felt it, it’s natural, heavens knows you have the right to be angry, but you don’t have to be. You can take complete control of how this situation will effect your future, by letting that anger go. Sometimes in our anger and our frustration we can say or do things we wouldn’t normally say or do, make decisions that would hurt us long term because in the moment we just want to hurt them like they hurt us, or get caught up in moments that hold us back when we could otherwise move forward – it’s like getting stuck in rewind (does anyone even remember the old rewind buttons on videos anymore?), it’s not worth it. You can’t just let go of the pain, that’s a wound that only time and a lot of learning is going to mend – but from experience I will tell you: You can let go of the anger. I will tell you a part of my story.

The emotions I felt after finding out I had been being cheated on, as a young mother of two little children, were many. When they got too overwhelming, I would go to my room, shut the door, and beg for strength through prayer. Sometimes all that I was begging for, was the strength to feed my children before I cried again. Each time the strength was given. One morning shortly after this had all begun I woke up and felt and anger to a degree I had never felt it before in my life. I didn’t deserve this. Any of this. I hated him. It bothered me because I didn’t know if I could physically handle the strength of my anger. Logically the anger was normal, but spiritually I didn’t feel it was necessary. I went back to my room for prayer. I remember that moment, in my white pants, green shirt,  and newly dark hair, I prayed, 

“Father anger is normal, I know this, but I’m very angry, and I don’t feel like I can live this way. Please help me, or if I must feel it, please give me strength to know how.” I waited, nothing. I waited longer, silently listening, still angry, not wanting to move for fear I would explode; and then peace. I was angry not only at my husband who had cheated on me, but also at the woman whom had, had the affair with him – I hated her; but at that moment, my anger at her eased. I would have never imagined what I felt next, but I believe it was necessary: I felt she did not make her choices knowing me. I felt she too was a daughter of God, and it was not my place to judge her. From that moment, I never experienced anger like that again. 

With this new found peace somehow I knew life did go on. I knew I could wake up from the dream I felt I was living, this nightmare, and adjust to this new life. I knew then, it was up to me to choose to move forward not only because I had to, but because I could. Move on I did, from that day, it was with a new vigor – with a desire to act on what I knew was right, and focus on finding joy in it; that became my focus. And guys, have I ever found joy. What a blessing giving up my anger that day was. Just do it. 

You’ve been cheated on and the pain of that decision hurts like I assume the pain of an everlasting hell will hurt – it hurts like hell. And that pain makes you boil with anger, this was not your fault. And you’re right. It was not you’re fault and you should not have to feel that pain. But it’s happened, and now it’s time to start healing from it and move on to a happier place, whatever that is. But allowing yourself to heal from that pain, it’s not going to happen as you seethe in anger, you have to let the anger go. Letting the anger go doesn’t mean forgiving, it doesn’t even mean forgetting, it simply means you’re not going to let this keep you down. You’re going to go forward with strength, with confidence, and with peace of heart open to receiving guidance to know how to go forward free from the cloud that anger brings. You’ve got this. I know you’ve got this, there’s a God in heaven who know’s you’ve got this – now you just need to tell it to yourself and believe it. 

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